I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Welp...herpes.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
