do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize