ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
