Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
this hospital has no fireball
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
