I'm lost and stupid without you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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