When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
