I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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