i think i have two assholes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
