she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
