I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
