walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Randomize
