She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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