Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
