If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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