fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
