either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
