Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
