could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
