quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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