If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
