roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize