just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
