Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
