I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We need to get me chipped asap
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
