Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
