i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
