Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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