non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
