he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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