hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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