Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
