this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
