so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
