I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
