it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
