i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize