Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
