my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
