We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
