What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
