If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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