I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
