Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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