Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
