so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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