I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
