Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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