You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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