Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
