if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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