I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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