Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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