I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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