I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize