I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
