I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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