I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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