The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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