O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
