I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
