i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
