I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
