she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
