I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
