we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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