Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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